The Gift of Being a Dad (Guest blog by my husband Patrick)

The opportunity of becoming a dad is one of the most unique and amazing things that can happen in a man’s life. Becoming a father has been one of the most rewarding and challenging journeys I have taken in my life. In today’s post, I would like to walk you through the journey I have taken as a dad of 2.5 years now.

The Pregnancy

Let’s first discuss the pregnancy phase. The pregnancy stage (for both my daughter and son) was a mix of excitement and stress. It was exciting because both times we had a child on the way and what is there not to get excited about that? You and your partner are getting ready to welcome a new life into the world. Every week that passed by just made me more and more anxious to meet our baby. I couldn’t wait! Getting to see our baby and hear their heartbeats in sonograms every few weeks just added to my excitement.

However, there was also plenty of stress during the pregnancy. Although the regular sonogram appointments were great because I got to see the baby, they were also stressful. I personally would go into those appointments really nervous because I was so worried by the possibility of the baby having health problems. By the time these appointments would end, I would be exhausted and honestly didn’t even feel like going to work. I honestly wanted to go back to bed! Fortunately my wife had two healthy pregnancies.

The other stressful part of the pregnancy was my wife’s health. My wife has a very high pain tolerance. My wife never really complains about pain. However, my wife got carpal tunnel syndrome really bad during both her pregnancies. This was tough because she works an office job where constant typing is required. This would obviously cause her frustration. It is important to remember that as an expecting father, that there are going to be good and bad days for your wife and that it is important that you are consistently there to support her through those times.

What I found most interesting about the pregnancy was the time. The first three months seem to take forever. Once we got past the fourth month, I felt like time flew. I felt like in a blink of an eye we were in the eighth month. In between that time, we did our hospital visit, my wife developed her birthing plan and we packed our hospital bags.

The Birth

Then one day before you know it, you are on your way to the hospital to welcome new life into the world! I always envisioned that we would go to the hospital, my wife would have the baby immediately and we would go home. REALITY ALERT. This is not what happens at all. As a new dad you need to be prepared for the fact that you will be at the hospital for a few days. Obviously, everyone’s experience is a little different. However, during both of my wife’s pregnancies she was in labor for more than eight hours after her water broke. During both pregnancies there were long periods of time where we were both watching the hospital television waiting for the action to start. I strongly urge that you bring your phone charger, a book and anything else that will keep you entertained.

Then at a certain point, it gets real! Your partner is all of a sudden in a great deal of pain and then she is moved to Labor and Delivery for the final push! It is really key in this situation to know your partner’s needs and realize this is not about you. If your partner wants you to take the lead and tell her exactly what to do, great. If your partner wants you to guide her through specific breathing patterns, awesome. My wife did not want any of that. My wife wanted me to hold her hand and provide light support through this process. My point is that there is no one size that fits all and that is incumbent on as you as the father, to read the situation and anticipate your partner’s needs so that you can be what they need you to be. Remember it's not your show, it's about your partner and what they need.

Once all the pushing is done, all of a sudden you have a great big beautiful child! You and your wife created this beautiful person and now you finally get to meet him or her. Getting to see and hold my daughter and son for the first time was incredible. There is no other experience I can compare it to.

Taking Home Baby

The next step of the process is taking your new child home. As much as you may think you are ready for how much your life is going to change, you actually don’t know until that first night home. The first night was tough because my daughter was up every hour looking to get fed. While every child is different, it is important to realize that this may be your situation for the next three to six months. My daughter took about three months until she started consistently sleeping four to six hours through the night. My son actually slept in increments of four to six hours during the first three months. However, he then exhibited sleep regression in his fourth and fifth months as he started teething.

I definitely do not want to glorify myself and make it seem like I was perfect during those sleepless nights. There were definitely times where I got stressed out because of it. However, the nights I was at my best were the nights where I followed my child’s routine, fed them, read to them and sang them to sleep.

Major Milestones

The other incredible part of being a dad is being able there for major milestones. The first major milestone in my opinion was dropping my daughter off at daycare. This was an incredible experience because she had grown so much in the first three months and now we were giving her the opportunity to meet and socialize with other babies and adults. I felt the same exact way on the first day we dropped my son off to daycare for the first time.

What you will notice in all of the other milestones that I list is that my daughter required persistence in each of them. My daughter would fail over and over again until she succeeded. The first one was crawling. For months, my daughter would be in a crouching position appearing as if she was going to crawl but then fell. She even crawled backwards for a few weeks. This happened over and over until one day she crawled forward! Each week she did it, she got better and crawled a little further.

The same could be set about standing and walking. The first few months she tried to walk she was very unsteady and needed a lot of support. After months of failure, she eventually just started walking on her own. Over the months, she would become more and more steady. Since my son is still so young he has not experienced any of these other milestones yet. However, I can’t wait until he does reach these milestones!

In conclusion, becoming a father has been the most unique journey I have been on in my life. It has come with a mixture of joy, stress, hard work, patience and most of all passion. The gift of being a dad is one of the most rewarding experiences I have been given and am forever grateful for it.